The song Love Won't Always Be There reflects on certain subtle happenings that gave me a glimpse into the reality that to love someone (in its many forms) is difficult and to be loved perhaps even more so, regardless of who you are; that the idea of what love 'is' or 'could be' usually doesn't match up with our counterparts the way we envision it to, especially when young and naive which most of us are regardless of our age. This can lead to seeking out what our idea of 'love' is over and over until we find it, or don't find it, or changing our view on it. The meaning of the song seems to keep morphing though honestly, there are many ways to perceive it.
Watching the music video for the song was a hard pill to swallow although I was happy to give complete creative control to really great artists and am content with the outcome. I can be quite sensitive at times and generally tend to be the kind of person who looks for meaning in everything I do, don't do, etc and it was shocking when I saw the video. Who am I? Of course I naturally took a self centered approach and it is hard to sway away from that view point but it exists and is very real.
We filmed the video during an inner phase of mine in which I was allowing myself (consciously) to really embrace and explore my egoistic side - ironically having outsourced creative control... which perhaps is what really allowed me to be in "the spotlight" without the baggage of thinking about the work involved. Although my ego was excited to be what one may consider the center of attention in the video, as it follows my character through life, event to event, with her support helping her on her way, there was something that felt satisfying while simultaneously very very wrong within me (with the exception of the "dance" second scene from the last which was a beautiful, cosmic, almost out of body experience to be apart of and watch. Otherwise: ...). My soul, wilting, once a camera was rolling, my character feeling the same as I.
I enjoyed dressing up and changing, allowing a certain part of me to be free, out in the open, behind closed doors. I enjoyed putting on so much make up I couldn't recognize myself anymore. I enjoyed getting lost, lost in my ego, only to find myself again (relatively) when it was all done.
Since filming, my phases have changed and morphed as I take some extreme and some simple personal lessons and insights from each and continue to mold myself into whom it is I am becoming. My ego has subsided to a more comfortable place for now and at this time, the weird sensation of knowing this will be read gives me only 2% pleasure as a measure of insight and clarity and 98% hoping no one asks me about it because it's none of your business. Also 98% it just feeling this explanation is something I have to do for peace of mind. Not all insight is insightful.
In closing, Josh and Chaz did a fantastic job on this music video. Josh's story line inadvertently conjured up feelings in me during the process and with the end result; feeling feelings is "what I live for" (of course being a bold subjective statement, I encourage you to not assume you know what that means) one could say and perhaps my experience with it all will bleed through the screen and feed you a feeling of some sort, which is not what I live for... making others feel feelings... Maybe it is though. I am uncertain at this moment and will remain with the former for now. As a side note, I understand it is a natural part of art.
I sit here, naked on my bed, thoughts flowing from my brain to my bent elbows to my thumbs into the notepad of my cellular phone. I have to get ready for work now. Life is funny.
Lizzy Burt
June 8, 2017